Dear Will,
I think my cousin, Whitney, must have some “Estee-is-preggo” super sensor or something, because she knew I was pregnant almost before we did! It was the same with our previous kids too, she called and asked days after we knew…and I guess even my phone voice can’t lie!
I was between 9 and 10 weeks along when I am sure I felt you move for the first time. It wasn't the little butterfly movements typical of early pregnancy, but a distinctive kick! I was so startled that I got online and checked to see if other people had felt their babies move that early. You were the most active baby of my three, and it was so fun! As my belly grew – and my skin got thinner and thinner - I could make out your little body and feel your tiny parts as your wiggled around.
As with my previous pregnancies, my body did not hide you long! I had to make excuses for not visiting family since they would notice right away. A couple of weeks before Christmas, we got together with all the Ragsdales to celebrate Christmas. I saw Aunt Erin looking me up and down with narrowed eyes and I knew that she had figured it out. For Grandma and Grandpa Ragsdale’s Christmas gift, we had printed and framed some nice pictures of Graham and Eva. We had also framed a little profile silhouette of a baby’s head and printed “August 2011” on the bottom. I stacked all three together with the silhouette on the bottom and wrapped them together. It was a wonderful surprise for everyone to find that last picture!
Since Uncle Garrett was on a mission and would miss the whole thing, we wanted him to at least be a part of the announcement to the Graham Family. I managed to suck in and put on my happy “I’m-not-nauseous” face until Christmas when Garrett would call home. I was definitely showing a tidy bump, so I was wearing Daddy’s huge sweatshirts all the time. Finally, Christmas day came and we were all gathered around Grandpa Graham’s phone talking. When it was Daddy’s turn, he said, “Well, Garrett, we actually have another Christmas present for you, but you are going to have to wait until you get home to have it.” “Okaaaaaaay,” says Garrett. Then Daddy added, “And by that time it will be 6 months old!” There was that great split-second pause where everyone looked at us as they realized what that meant and then came the explosion! Then there was a second explosion downstairs as the Wheeler cousins got the news, it was great fun! Grandpa said, “I was wondering why you kept wearing those big sweaters, I guessed they were just real comfortable.”
When we had our sonogram at 23 weeks, we told the technician to have us look away when she checked things out down there because we wanted the gender to be a surprise. Daddy said that even through the rest of the sono, he didn't accidentally see anything so he thought it would be a girl. Just to balance, I decided I would bet the opposite. I had thought that I would be able to make a good guess since I had one of each gender thus far, but this pregnancy was even different then the first two. I really had no idea. Graham always said it was a girl when asked, and yet my brain seemed to default to “he” when I referred to the belly. About a week before you were born, we hauled all the baby gear out of storage at the Ragsdales and back to our tiny apartment. Daddy was a little frustrated at the amount of stuff we had to haul. He looked in one of the boxes and said, “Estee, these are boy clothes. We don’t need to bring these!” “But Lee,” I said, “We don’t know what we are having!” Daddy’s jaw dropped a little and he said, “Oh yeah. That was weird.” His brain had unconsciously defaulted to "girl".
The rest of your pregnancy went great but I spent a lot of time indoors trying to stay cool. Starting in June, Texas was having 30 year record breaking heat. 110 degrees nearly every day! My feet swelled with the rising heat and my growing belly and I felt elephant footed. However, I really do enjoy being pregnant, fat feet was my only complaint. For the last three months, the typical stranger conversation went like this:
"When are you due?"
“Oh, not till august."
"Are you having twins?"
"No, just one!"
"Oh, you're not gonna make it!"
"Actually, I usually go at least a week over."
Then it fizzles out as they are obviously uncomfortable..."sure you're only have one?...well maybe this time will be different...you could come early...at least you don't look pregnant from the back...when I was pregnant...I don't envy you in this heat...you're brave...you're gonna have your hands full....etc.”
 |
| my treat of choice: carrot chips from central market |
When time finally caught up with my size, Granna Graham came home early from the family
reunions to be my doula. She came home on Tuesday, August 2nd (your due date was the 3rd) and we worked on projects and ran errands and sewed things for the next two days; both fully expecting me to go about a week past date. Also note that I had been having pretty good contractions every day for about a month, I had been dilated to 2 cm for a couple weeks and my cervix was very soft. My midwife stripped my membranes on Wednesday and stretched me to 3 cm.) Thursday evening, I took some castor oil before dinner but not much more was happening so we all went to bed. That night, I started having contractions strong enough to wake me up! I went potty every time this happened and started passing my mucous plug. “Yeah!” I thought, “I am getting closer!” I still didn’t think I was really in labor though. I had passed my plug 2 weeks before Eva was born and I knew that this wasn’t a reliable indicator. Later on, the contractions were getting close enough together that I couldn’t sleep in between and I was starting to get excited I knew that real labor would continue regardless of my position, so I started moving around in bed: side to side, hands and knees, sitting up, standing…and they kept coming! At about 4am I got out of bed and encouraged the contractions with the help of gravity.
We had previously decided to leave for the hospital when I was dilated a 7 so that we would have time to get a little settled and perhaps use the sweet labor tubs. I knew that I needed to slow down the pushing phase to minimize tearing again. I had also tested positive for group B strep and needed to get IV antibiotics before I gave birth. Once we realized that Grandma Ragsdale was not going to get here in time, we called our close friend, Kateriina Gibby, to come watch the older kids. That was an amazing blessing too as it just happened to be her Friday off! Everything was going as planned…how often does that happen in labor? I felt so calm and peaceful. There is something wonderful and powerful about labor The anticipation of your birth had filled our home for months as we talked, read, planned, and prayed over you. And then once it is finally happening – and happening just how I wanted it to – it’s just wonderful.
The sun was freshly up; it was a relatively cool and beautiful morning as we drove to the hospital. I remember having a good contraction and then saying, “I know this sounds weird, but I love labor!” “Yeah, you’re weird” Dad said
We got to the hospital just before 9 am. Daddy was actually in the middle of his E.R. rotation at this same hospital and so he was dressed in his Harris Hospital scrubs. He parked the car while we started in. He soon caught up and once we got into Maternal Observation he told the nurse that I was in labor and dilated to a 7. “Who checked her?” they asked. “I did,” Dad said, raising his hand with a smile. It was obvious on their faces that they didn’t believe us. This young guy in scrubs combined with me not presenting the typical picture of a woman in active labor must not have inspired confidence in the nurses. After taking their time getting me checked in, and filling out the usual stack of paperwork they checked me too... I was at 8 cm!
When we finally got into our labor room, my midwife (Candice Hicks) wanted to do a quick check on me and the baby before I got in the tub. “How does she do this?” Candice asked Dad. “She labors at home, comes in just in time to transition, and now look at her sitting there smiling. She looks beautiful! She is making this look easy!” Once she checked me she said “Estee, you are actually at a 9. How are you feeling?” I told her I was doing great but feeling more pressure down there. “Well,” Candice said, “If you want to gently bear down during the next contraction you can and see how that feels.” So just as the next contraction ended, I breathed a low grunt… and my water broke! Dad and the Candice, who were standing at the foot on the bed, got totally drenched! The couch that was 12 feet across the room got splashed too. Even my mom somehow got wet while standing next to me. The nurse exclaimed “Your water didn’t break, it exploded honey!” It felt great to me! Candice said I had a huge bag of waters!
I decided I wanted to try kneeling up so I turned around and draped my arms and forehead against the head of the bed. Since Daddy had never delivered a baby in this position Candice coached him as I started to bear down. I said I needed to poop first and Candice said go ahead (and that felt great)! Granna paced back and forth between coaching me at the head of the bed and checking my progress. I never held my breath and pushed; I really just breathed you out! Daddy was also pushing pretty hard against your head, manually slowing you down. I probably could have pushed out you in two contractions like I did with Eva, but we all worked hard to slow it down. Now, I don’t want to give the impression that all was a muted affair of quiet breathing and whispered coaching. I was making a fair amount of noise, groaning low and growling long! Candice, Daddy and Granna were constantly giving instructions and updating me on the progress. I even reached down and felt your fuzzy head as you descended.
At one point, Candice had me not push at all during a contraction. Your eyebrows were out but not your eyes, I think she was trying to let me just stretch. “How are you doing?” she asked? “Oh this feels so good!” I gasped. They all chuckled and Candice said, “I have never heard a women say ‘O this feel so good’ while the baby’s head is crowning!” I am not saying it was comfortable, but I wouldn’t describe it as painful either. I felt incredibly wide and full and stretched – but strong! After all the pressure of contractions and dilating for hours it felt great to finally be moving everything down and out! I felt a slight twinge as your shoulders came out and then Daddy exclaimed, “It’s a…boy!?”
The nurse laughed at how surprised Dad was. Then they passed your warm slippery body between my legs and I held you as Daddy came around the bed laughing and kissed me good and hard! Granna later asked what my favorite part of it all was; this was it.
Later, Candice examined me and offered to put in one stitch if I wanted. I opted for the one little stitch, but not the numbing. Why get pricked four times with burning Lidocaine when I can just get pricked twice? “I’ll just be tough” I said. After that, I got up and showered off while they remade the bed. When they finally weighed you, the scale showed 10 lbs 7 ounces.
It’s been nearly two weeks now. I am watching you sleep as I finish this most miraculous story of your birth. I am still amazed at the beauty of the whole experience and that it happened to me.
reunions to be my doula. She came home on Tuesday, August 2nd (your due date was the 3rd) and we worked on projects and ran errands and sewed things for the next two days; both fully expecting me to go about a week past date. Also note that I had been having pretty good contractions every day for about a month, I had been dilated to 2 cm for a couple weeks and my cervix was very soft. My midwife stripped my membranes on Wednesday and stretched me to 3 cm.) Thursday evening, I took some castor oil before dinner but not much more was happening so we all went to bed. That night, I started having contractions strong enough to wake me up! I went potty every time this happened and started passing my mucous plug. “Yeah!” I thought, “I am getting closer!” I still didn’t think I was really in labor though. I had passed my plug 2 weeks before Eva was born and I knew that this wasn’t a reliable indicator. Later on, the contractions were getting close enough together that I couldn’t sleep in between and I was starting to get excited I knew that real labor would continue regardless of my position, so I started moving around in bed: side to side, hands and knees, sitting up, standing…and they kept coming! At about 4am I got out of bed and encouraged the contractions with the help of gravity.
I also started belly dancing through the contractions and that was wonderful! It was deep quiet in our small apartment, and everyone was asleep except you and me as we danced around my room in the dark. I felt fully happy, powerful, and beautiful. At 6 am, I changed into a pretty little nightgown and walked out to find my mom laying awake on the couch because Graham had come to sleep with her. She waved at me and asked what I was doing. “I am having a baby.” I said. “Really? All right!” she answered. She got up and we talked quietly for a little while, reviewing the laboring plans.
All the while I was swaying and swirling my hips, breathing through the contractions. We made some cream of wheat for breakfast while Graham and Daddy woke up. We called Grandma Ragsdale so she could get on her way to come be with Graham and Eva. I decided to get in to the warm bathtub, remembering how much I enjoyed that with Eva’s Birth, and ate my mush in between contractions. A little later, I asked Daddy to check me and he found that I was about 7 cm dilated. We decided it was time to start moving towards the hospital.
We had previously decided to leave for the hospital when I was dilated a 7 so that we would have time to get a little settled and perhaps use the sweet labor tubs. I knew that I needed to slow down the pushing phase to minimize tearing again. I had also tested positive for group B strep and needed to get IV antibiotics before I gave birth. Once we realized that Grandma Ragsdale was not going to get here in time, we called our close friend, Kateriina Gibby, to come watch the older kids. That was an amazing blessing too as it just happened to be her Friday off! Everything was going as planned…how often does that happen in labor? I felt so calm and peaceful. There is something wonderful and powerful about labor The anticipation of your birth had filled our home for months as we talked, read, planned, and prayed over you. And then once it is finally happening – and happening just how I wanted it to – it’s just wonderful.
The sun was freshly up; it was a relatively cool and beautiful morning as we drove to the hospital. I remember having a good contraction and then saying, “I know this sounds weird, but I love labor!” “Yeah, you’re weird” Dad said
We got to the hospital just before 9 am. Daddy was actually in the middle of his E.R. rotation at this same hospital and so he was dressed in his Harris Hospital scrubs. He parked the car while we started in. He soon caught up and once we got into Maternal Observation he told the nurse that I was in labor and dilated to a 7. “Who checked her?” they asked. “I did,” Dad said, raising his hand with a smile. It was obvious on their faces that they didn’t believe us. This young guy in scrubs combined with me not presenting the typical picture of a woman in active labor must not have inspired confidence in the nurses. After taking their time getting me checked in, and filling out the usual stack of paperwork they checked me too... I was at 8 cm!
When we finally got into our labor room, my midwife (Candice Hicks) wanted to do a quick check on me and the baby before I got in the tub. “How does she do this?” Candice asked Dad. “She labors at home, comes in just in time to transition, and now look at her sitting there smiling. She looks beautiful! She is making this look easy!” Once she checked me she said “Estee, you are actually at a 9. How are you feeling?” I told her I was doing great but feeling more pressure down there. “Well,” Candice said, “If you want to gently bear down during the next contraction you can and see how that feels.” So just as the next contraction ended, I breathed a low grunt… and my water broke! Dad and the Candice, who were standing at the foot on the bed, got totally drenched! The couch that was 12 feet across the room got splashed too. Even my mom somehow got wet while standing next to me. The nurse exclaimed “Your water didn’t break, it exploded honey!” It felt great to me! Candice said I had a huge bag of waters!
I decided I wanted to try kneeling up so I turned around and draped my arms and forehead against the head of the bed. Since Daddy had never delivered a baby in this position Candice coached him as I started to bear down. I said I needed to poop first and Candice said go ahead (and that felt great)! Granna paced back and forth between coaching me at the head of the bed and checking my progress. I never held my breath and pushed; I really just breathed you out! Daddy was also pushing pretty hard against your head, manually slowing you down. I probably could have pushed out you in two contractions like I did with Eva, but we all worked hard to slow it down. Now, I don’t want to give the impression that all was a muted affair of quiet breathing and whispered coaching. I was making a fair amount of noise, groaning low and growling long! Candice, Daddy and Granna were constantly giving instructions and updating me on the progress. I even reached down and felt your fuzzy head as you descended.
At one point, Candice had me not push at all during a contraction. Your eyebrows were out but not your eyes, I think she was trying to let me just stretch. “How are you doing?” she asked? “Oh this feels so good!” I gasped. They all chuckled and Candice said, “I have never heard a women say ‘O this feel so good’ while the baby’s head is crowning!” I am not saying it was comfortable, but I wouldn’t describe it as painful either. I felt incredibly wide and full and stretched – but strong! After all the pressure of contractions and dilating for hours it felt great to finally be moving everything down and out! I felt a slight twinge as your shoulders came out and then Daddy exclaimed, “It’s a…boy!?”
The nurse laughed at how surprised Dad was. Then they passed your warm slippery body between my legs and I held you as Daddy came around the bed laughing and kissed me good and hard! Granna later asked what my favorite part of it all was; this was it.
Later, Candice examined me and offered to put in one stitch if I wanted. I opted for the one little stitch, but not the numbing. Why get pricked four times with burning Lidocaine when I can just get pricked twice? “I’ll just be tough” I said. After that, I got up and showered off while they remade the bed. When they finally weighed you, the scale showed 10 lbs 7 ounces.
I think I started hyperventilating a little bit! “What?? Oh my gosh! I can’t believe… This is bad! This is a bad trend!” Graham had been 8 lbs 8 oz, Eva was 9 lbs 6 oz, and now a 10 lbs baby. Am I going to have an 11 pound baby next?! I am sure you can understand my distress.
It’s been nearly two weeks now. I am watching you sleep as I finish this most miraculous story of your birth. I am still amazed at the beauty of the whole experience and that it happened to me.
 |
a proper double chin |
Ina May Gaskin, a famous midwife and my hero, said that birth plans are made to be burned. Will, your birth surpassed even my most hopeful plans. In reading other birth stories I am proud to say that this is my story; I did it! I have rarely felt such confidence, power, pure joy, and peace. The power of creation is truly a sacred and divine gift, and I feel exceptionally blessed to have experienced it so fully.
No comments:
Post a Comment